Many people remember the Korean folktale of Princess Pyeonggang and Ondal, the princess who left the palace, taught the “fool” Ondal to read and fight, and helped turn him into a general. In a column for a Korean American audience, clinical psychologist So Young Sung describes a modern version of that story she sees in her counseling practice.
Dr. Sung says the “Princess Pyeonggang syndrome” refers to women who pour themselves into trying to transform their husbands, from clothing and speech to friendships and business decisions. She writes that these husbands may indeed become impressive men, but the relationships often still contain anger and resentment.
In some cases, Dr. Sung says, infidelity remains part of the marriage; in others, nothing meaningful is left between the couple. She argues that the pattern often fails because of unconscious motives beneath the wife’s awareness, even when the effort begins with sacrifice and love.
Dr. Sung says the key is for wives to ask themselves an important question and become aware of the unconscious feelings driving their efforts.
